We rightly admire self-disciplined people. Because whatever your goal is – from starting a business to writing a novel or sticking to your new diet – self-discipline is often the key ingredient.
But I think self-discipline is a misunderstood concept, mainly because we think about it as a fixed personality trait. In my experience, however, self-discipline is more about habits than genetics.
As a psychologist, I work with a lot of people struggling to be more disciplined in their lives. And what I’ve noticed is that it’s not for lack of desire or motivation.
The reason we struggle to be more disciplined isn’t a moral failing or faulty genes – it’s that bad habits get in the way.
If you want to become a more self-disciplined person, learn to identify these habits and eliminate them. Self-discipline won’t be far behind.
1. Don’t rely on willpower
People with a lot of self-discipline understand that willpower is the last resort.
Think about willpower like the emergency brake in your car – it’s nice to have, but you would be in serious trouble if you relied on it as the primary way to slow your car down.
Willpower should never be a primary strategy for accomplishing difficult things. It’s a failsafe: a backup plan for your backup plans.
Self-disciplined people understand that they don’t have nearly as much willpower as other people think they do. And they understand that willpower is a fragile thing that often fails us.
As a result, they don’t rely on it and get creative about other ways to stay focused and committed.
2. Don’t wait for motivation
Self-disciplined people view motivation as extra credit – nice to have when it shows up, but never to be expected or counted on.
We go about our lives waiting for inspiration to strike, but all the while our dreams, goals, and aspirations fade further and further into memory as life seems to pass us by.
Self-disciplined people don’t fall into this trap because they understand the true nature of the relationship between feeling and action: action leads to feeling just as often as feeling leads to action.
In other words, the relationship between feeling and action is a two-way street: sure, feeling good helps you do hard things; but doing hard things makes you feel good – in particular, it makes you more motivated to do hard things.
Self-disciplined people have an action bias. They understand that the only way to feel consistently motivated is to build the habit of consistently taking action – even if it’s very small actions initially.
They simply understand how to create their own steady stream of motivation by taking action despite how they feel instead of waiting around for the feeling.
Stop waiting around for motivation and learn to build your own.
3. Don’t trust your feelings
Self-disciplined people know that feelings are not to be trusted.
Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to your feelings and be aware of them. In fact, highly disciplined people are often very in touch with their moods and emotions. But they’re not ruled by them.
Self-discipline requires a healthy skepticism of your own emotions.
The key insight here is that while emotions often communicate important information, they can just as often lead us astray.
Emotions are behavioral heuristics – your mind’s guesses about how you should act. Worth paying attention to, but not to be followed blindly.
Your relationship with emotions matters for cultivating self-discipline because how you feel will often conflict with your values.
If you want to become more self-disciplined, cultivate a skeptical relationship with your emotions.
Listen to your emotions but avoid taking orders from them.
4. Don’t worry about outcomes
Self-disciplined people have a knack for staying focused on effort and ignoring outcomes.
Self-disciplined people are able to make consistent progress toward their goals precisely because they don’t spend much time thinking about them.
Instead, self-disciplined people keep their focus on their actions – things they can actually do and control. Things that, if done consistently over time, will likely lead to the desired goal or outcome.
Put another way, self-disciplined people have a healthy relationship with control. They understand that they can’t actually control goals and outcomes. All they can control is their efforts.